I Love This!

Every time I see this commercial I just want to squeal. I love the look that the mom and the adorable little girl share and then when “Lilli” jumps up to the jogging stroller. I just love this commercial so much-I’ll admit, I’ve rewound it on the DVR just so I could see the little head cock and “Hi” that “Lilli” does.
I can’t wait to meet my daughter and take her “jogging”. Ok I can’t wait to meet her and maybe take her on a slow walk with her fur brothers. I just really look forward to those years when my little girl is still young, sweet and innocent and still loves me.

I’m Back

I recently received an adorable card from a friend, congratulating me on my pregnancy and providing me with a smile. At the end of her note, she said “I’m surprised you aren’t blogging more”. Well fair readers, so am I. The blog hiatus started when I had nothing to do but complain about how sick I was; that is, if I could sit up at my computer long enough to do so. The reason I haven’t been blogging so much these days is that I feel all my blogs would share with the world just how anxious I really am about pregnancy. I have a tendency to overreact to things (who, me?) and over analyze all the tiny minutiae of the day, but pregnancy puts me in a whole new category. If the baby doesn’t move constantly I’m 100% positive that I’ve miscarried. In fact, until I actually give birth to our daughter, I will not believe that it’s happened…and then the worrying starts for SIDS and other associated things, but I’m trying SOOO hard not to focus on that. It took EVERY ounce of my being to even purchase a crib, let alone set it up and allow myself to be a tiny bit excited about the prospect of laying my little baby daughter down to sleep on in her girly, butterfly laden crib. After a little scare earlier this week, I’ve vowed that I’ve just got to let things go. So far, other than morning sickness, I’ve had an uneventful, low risk pregnancy. I’ve managed to keep hydrated, not gain way too much weight, and somehow, by the grace of God, pass my glucose tolerance test. I know that anxiety isn’t good for our little one, so even though I’m feeling a little crazy right now that she isn’t kicking as much as she was two days ago (yesterday was also a fairly lazy day) that she is ok. And if she isn’t ok, well, let’s be honest, I have little or no control over that, so it’s time I put it in God’s hands. Usually I don’t like that phrase, I think people often use it as a cop-out or a crutch when they fear failure, but many, like myself, need God to take some of the fear away sometimes. Believing that there is someone out/up there who can provide peace when the going gets tough is what Faith is all about (to me). So I’m trying my best to put this in God’s hands and know that I am certainly not in control of anything going on right now. I have the power to not drink or smoke (check!), to not skydive (no problem there) but I can’t control any of the spontaneous science that has a tendency to rear its head in the womb. So say it with me, peace peace peace. And happy snuggly infant dreams.

First Thoughts on Our Daughter

**Apparently I didn’t post this and it was sitting in my drafts folder.  Not sure it was really done, but I’m posting it anyway.**

Hearing “It’s a girl” yesterday just threw me for a loop.  Although my first thought was that my baby was a girl, I had convinced myself that we were having a boy because we didn’t like any boy names.  (Though after careful consideration, we have chosen our boy name-Christian-but that won’t apply for awhile if ever).  Finding out that we would have a daughter brought me so much joy and knowing that this baby growing inside me is a little girl just makes the whole experience seem more real.

Mother’s and daughters often have interesting relationships, and my only fear is that when my daughter is 16 she’ll scream at me the way I once screamed to my Mother in a fit of hormones and rage.  It’s not that I didn’t love my mother, I did, there is just some sort of crazy relationship that we had that seemed to feed off of estrogen.  I pray that I don’t allow history to repeat itself and that my daughter and I can have a relationship where we only raise our voices to cheer for the Colts.  (because what child of mine would like the Eagles?)  I pray that my daughter can trust me with anything and I vow to always keep an open mind when she asks me questions that scare me to death.

Secret Secret; I’ve Got a Secret

One thing that I’ve learned about myself over the years is that I am terrible at keeping secrets. It’s not that you can’t trust me with your private information; I’m good at keeping OTHER peoples’ secrets. My own secrets; I can’t shut my trap. So without further adieu, the secret sharing shall commence.

Mircea and I are expecting our first child at the end of October. That means I’m a little over 8 weeks along, so I’ve got a long way to go. I’d like to ask everyone to pray for me and our sweet baby Iggy as we go through this interesting time in our lives. I’ve been riddled with illness; “morning” sickness is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. How about 24/7-feel like crap-feel like you drank more booze than can fit in your gullet- wanting to gouge your eyes out-sickness? That’s where I am. It’s been very difficult for me because a.) I’m a total wuss, and b.) I just started a new job and it’s been difficult for me to even sit at my desk, let alone lead my team through our daily challenges.

I’m so afraid of jinxing this pregnancy because I can’t keep my yapper shut; however, the God I believe in doesn’t punish people for flapping their gums ahead of the customary second trimester start. I’m not sure I’ll live until then! I never thought that I could be both anorexic and bulimic and still chunky, and yet, I’ve succeeded at this. I never thought my childhood love of instant mashed potatoes would ease me into the fact that it’s the ONLY food I can keep down at this point; and even that’s not a guarantee. I talked a big game about wanting to have a family, and I’m overjoyed to be expecting a little Iggy, but in my wildest dreams, I’d never be this sick while experiencing the miracle of life. I can’t even wait to experience the miracle of childbirth!

I want to caveat all my whining with a very simple sentiment. I love this baby more than I’ve ever loved anything my entire life. I recognize that there are so many people in the world who would love to be bent over a toilet hurling their guts out if it meant that they could have a baby. That isn’t lost on me at all. All the sickness momentarily melted away when I saw my tiny prune sized baby on the sonogram monitor last week and I realized the magnitude of what is actually occurring in my body. I can only pray that the sickness goes away and I can enjoy this special bonding time that only a mother is lucky enough to experience.
I want to end with a sentiment that one of my brand new co-workers shared with me when I sent out an email explaining that their fearless leader was once again working from home. It was one of the nicest things I’ve ever read and brings hormonal tears to my eyes every time I think about it.

“Sorry for the morning sickness but remember, a mother feels joy with every kick, knowing she’s never alone.”

Man, I can’t wait to feel those kicks.

Thoughts on 30

You know, I thought turning 30 was going to feel horrible.  I love my youthfulness; my baby face that is mostly wrinkle free and hell, I even like my Minnie Mouse phone voice sometimes.  I got really upset when I turned 25-I hadn’t accomplished the things I’d have liked to at that point in my life, though I was positively working towards all of those accomplishments.  30 is a lot more comfortable for me.  I’ve finished my Master’s, I’m well-established in my career (though continue to have moronic moments), I purchased my first home, and I married the love of my life…I think I’m doing alright! 

The thing I like most about turning 30 is that I am closing an important, pivotal chapter of my life.  My 20’s were a roller coaster ride, with emotional ups, downs, twists, turns and even a couple of loop-de-loops, but I certainly wouldn’t be the grounded individual I am today without those mistakes, experiences and heartaches. 

I’m hoping that this first day of being 30 sets the tone for the rest of my year.   I’m running (?) the Baltimore Women’s Classic today and although my knee isn’t anywhere near excellent and my asthma makes my jogging fairly interesting, I’m looking forward to making the statement to my self that my health is a priority.  After the race I’ll be returning home to celebrate my nephew’s 1st birthday, and I’m so happy to have expanded my family when Mircea and I got married.  It’s nice to have relatives that are in the area-I miss my family like crazy and wish that we were able to life in closer proximity so we could be a little closer emotionally as well.

So that’s about it,  a fairly positive post from the person who hasn’t always been an optimist in the past.  I really enjoy my life and I look forward to what this next decade will bring.

Wedded Bliss

Mircea and I have been married for almost two months and it is great!  There are some subtle, magical changes between engaged (and living together) to married (and still living together).  While Mircea is still really busy with school, and will be for the next four years really, I have been in full on nesting mode.  It’s kind of funny all the stuff I let go in our house (painting, decorating, etc) from when we moved in, but all of a sudden I’m in full on clean, organize, decorate mode.  I live and breathe to make our home comfortable and clean.  And sometimes it seems like the cats live and  breathe to make our home furry and stinky. 

Another interesting item of note is that for the first six weeks of our marriage, one of our friends was living with us as she goes through a seperation with her husband.  It was one of those double-edged swords: it was SOOOO nice having my close friend there but it was also hard for my fragile ego to have someone so adorable and wonderful living in our house…and thinking that Mircea wouldn’t go “you know, I probably should marry that girl”.  It’s funny how insecurity works, but it’s definitely something that I’m working on.  I don’t feel too crazy though, it was definitely a big change, but still, I need to be able to feel confident in our relationship.  I’m only sharing it because it was definitely an interesting way to start out our marriage.  🙂

If you haven’t seen wedding pictures, and you’re interested, there are a few on our wedding blog and tons on Facebook.

I hope you are all doing well, I feel like with FB I’m definitely not as engaged in Blogland like I had been before.  I think from updates on others blogs that maybe they aren’t either.  Either way, I do have some book reviews and yummy recipes to share and will make every effort to update those soon.