Secret Secret; I’ve Got a Secret

One thing that I’ve learned about myself over the years is that I am terrible at keeping secrets. It’s not that you can’t trust me with your private information; I’m good at keeping OTHER peoples’ secrets. My own secrets; I can’t shut my trap. So without further adieu, the secret sharing shall commence.

Mircea and I are expecting our first child at the end of October. That means I’m a little over 8 weeks along, so I’ve got a long way to go. I’d like to ask everyone to pray for me and our sweet baby Iggy as we go through this interesting time in our lives. I’ve been riddled with illness; “morning” sickness is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. How about 24/7-feel like crap-feel like you drank more booze than can fit in your gullet- wanting to gouge your eyes out-sickness? That’s where I am. It’s been very difficult for me because a.) I’m a total wuss, and b.) I just started a new job and it’s been difficult for me to even sit at my desk, let alone lead my team through our daily challenges.

I’m so afraid of jinxing this pregnancy because I can’t keep my yapper shut; however, the God I believe in doesn’t punish people for flapping their gums ahead of the customary second trimester start. I’m not sure I’ll live until then! I never thought that I could be both anorexic and bulimic and still chunky, and yet, I’ve succeeded at this. I never thought my childhood love of instant mashed potatoes would ease me into the fact that it’s the ONLY food I can keep down at this point; and even that’s not a guarantee. I talked a big game about wanting to have a family, and I’m overjoyed to be expecting a little Iggy, but in my wildest dreams, I’d never be this sick while experiencing the miracle of life. I can’t even wait to experience the miracle of childbirth!

I want to caveat all my whining with a very simple sentiment. I love this baby more than I’ve ever loved anything my entire life. I recognize that there are so many people in the world who would love to be bent over a toilet hurling their guts out if it meant that they could have a baby. That isn’t lost on me at all. All the sickness momentarily melted away when I saw my tiny prune sized baby on the sonogram monitor last week and I realized the magnitude of what is actually occurring in my body. I can only pray that the sickness goes away and I can enjoy this special bonding time that only a mother is lucky enough to experience.
I want to end with a sentiment that one of my brand new co-workers shared with me when I sent out an email explaining that their fearless leader was once again working from home. It was one of the nicest things I’ve ever read and brings hormonal tears to my eyes every time I think about it.

“Sorry for the morning sickness but remember, a mother feels joy with every kick, knowing she’s never alone.”

Man, I can’t wait to feel those kicks.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sarah
    Mar 21, 2011 @ 11:04:38

    YAY!! (Well, not yay for the morning sickness, but you know what I mean.)Congratulations. 🙂


  2. Missy
    Mar 21, 2011 @ 11:40:27

    Congrats!!! This is awesome news, I am so happy for you guys!! I could never keep my mouth shut long either – but in my opinion, once you have seen an ultrasound and everything looks good at that point, I don’t see why you aren’t “allowed” to tell anyone yet. 🙂
    Supposedly, bad morning sickness is a good sign of a healthy little bean. But I know it sucks, mine was especially bad with Aiden. Hoping for a healthy 9 months for you!! (well, I guess 7 at this point!)


  3. Barb
    Mar 21, 2011 @ 16:23:57

    Ah, the 1st trimester hangover. I remember it well. Things (usually) tame down around week 11 or 12, so you’re almost out of the woods. Then you’ll want to eat everything in sight because it feels so good to be hungry again. Looking back I’m all, “that wasn’t so bad,” but while you’re in the trenches, it’s not so fun. I’m so happy for you and Mircea! 🙂


  4. Chantelle @ photo mommy
    Mar 21, 2011 @ 17:06:01

    Yay! Yay! Yay! Congratulations! I totally just did a happy dance for you and it was freakin awesome! Morning sickness does blow, but I have also found that it was the worst with my 3rd. Enjoy your pregnancy! I hope it’s awesome for you!


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