I’m Back

I recently received an adorable card from a friend, congratulating me on my pregnancy and providing me with a smile. At the end of her note, she said “I’m surprised you aren’t blogging more”. Well fair readers, so am I. The blog hiatus started when I had nothing to do but complain about how sick I was; that is, if I could sit up at my computer long enough to do so. The reason I haven’t been blogging so much these days is that I feel all my blogs would share with the world just how anxious I really am about pregnancy. I have a tendency to overreact to things (who, me?) and over analyze all the tiny minutiae of the day, but pregnancy puts me in a whole new category. If the baby doesn’t move constantly I’m 100% positive that I’ve miscarried. In fact, until I actually give birth to our daughter, I will not believe that it’s happened…and then the worrying starts for SIDS and other associated things, but I’m trying SOOO hard not to focus on that. It took EVERY ounce of my being to even purchase a crib, let alone set it up and allow myself to be a tiny bit excited about the prospect of laying my little baby daughter down to sleep on in her girly, butterfly laden crib. After a little scare earlier this week, I’ve vowed that I’ve just got to let things go. So far, other than morning sickness, I’ve had an uneventful, low risk pregnancy. I’ve managed to keep hydrated, not gain way too much weight, and somehow, by the grace of God, pass my glucose tolerance test. I know that anxiety isn’t good for our little one, so even though I’m feeling a little crazy right now that she isn’t kicking as much as she was two days ago (yesterday was also a fairly lazy day) that she is ok. And if she isn’t ok, well, let’s be honest, I have little or no control over that, so it’s time I put it in God’s hands. Usually I don’t like that phrase, I think people often use it as a cop-out or a crutch when they fear failure, but many, like myself, need God to take some of the fear away sometimes. Believing that there is someone out/up there who can provide peace when the going gets tough is what Faith is all about (to me). So I’m trying my best to put this in God’s hands and know that I am certainly not in control of anything going on right now. I have the power to not drink or smoke (check!), to not skydive (no problem there) but I can’t control any of the spontaneous science that has a tendency to rear its head in the womb. So say it with me, peace peace peace. And happy snuggly infant dreams.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Barb
    Jul 28, 2011 @ 13:54:21

    I think that’s totally normal. To me Maureen was an “imaginary child” until she was actually out in the world. And even then I was half convinced that if I closed my eyes she might evaporate. So I would hover over her while she slept to listen for breathing. That only lasted a couple days. Then I got real–Mommy needs her sleep.

    Reply

  2. Missy
    Jul 31, 2011 @ 08:45:48

    Hey lady. Relax and trust God with your worries – I have been doing this more and more, and it gives me so much peace. Why constantly worry about things that I have no control over?? I really do understand the worry the worry though. My first pregnancy was an early miscarriage, then when I was preggo with Emmy, all I did was worry – and until she was actually born, I was convinced that something was going to go wrong.
    Anyways, I am glad you are doing well and enjoying baby shopping (my most favorite activity of all time!) I can’t wait to hear about more baby stuff, and hear about your little girl in a few short months! 🙂

    Reply

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