Laying in a Pool of Melted Chocolates

The Face of Valentine's Day

This year Valentine’s Day really got my mind spinning. The majority of my Facebook friends were on two separate poles; those who seemed depressed for Singles Awareness Day and those who seemed hell bent on proving their value through sharing about how their mate showered them with gifts. As someone who sits squarely in the middle of these two camps, I was at a loss over the hysterics that people go into for a “holiday” that is really just a nice excuse to say “love you” to your friends and family.

So the first camp of people are the depressed folks. Now it’s one thing to be depressed if your spouse died or something of that nature, but if you’re simply depressed because you don’t have a significant other at that moment to share long strands of spaghetti with and nuzzle meatballs too, you’re just being silly. It’s one day people, one damned day that originated as a religious holiday honoring St Valentine. I don’t know about you, but I didn’t see much religion yesterday. The message I want to convey to the “single and lonely” crowd is that you aren’t alone. Most of you have great friends and family that surround you and while you might not have a significant other, it doesn’t change your self-worth. You are loved. You are an important person on this planet of ours and even if you don’t have a box of chocolates to prove it, you must believe me. Because if you’re reading this, likely, you’re pretty important to me, and your definitely terribly important to someone else. So I’m your Valentine, and you’re mine. Lucky you.  Don’t give anyone the satisfaction of making you feel inferior.

And to those people who seem hell bent on proving that they are loved; come off it. There’s one thing to have a nice little post like “aww, my sweetie surprised me with roses” or “he went to Jared!” but five status updates a day about how your lover loves you so much that you must be the most important person on the planet are simply a little sad. It’s like those people who have the testicles hanging off the back of their truck; if you have to wear them on the outside, maybe you’re not terribly secure in the relationship to start with. And maybe you’re super happy that you’re no longer in Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, but just because you (and I for that matter) have a mate, doesn’t mean that we somehow have these great lives and that we live in this perfect world. A relationship should be defined by the people in it, and love cannot be measured by the size of a gift. We are all falling into that trap when we feel let down by our grocery store flowers or gaze longingly at a ring that probably put someone knee deep in debt to purchase. Love isn’t measured that way damnit! I measure the love I have for Mircea (and other friends and family) but the amount of attention I pay to them. Others measure it differently…and I guess, though it sickens me to say it, maybe some people do measure it by the goods and services they receive from those who love them. But I don’t want to accept that, it’s just childish.

Before I piss anyone off too royally, I do want to say that I think Valentine’s Day for kids is a spectacular thing and there is something so fun about passing out Valentines to your friends at school, or surprising your friends with flowers sent to their desk. It’s the whole “placing your self- worth on the size of your bouquet, carat of jewelry, or amount of ice cream you drowned your sorrows in” persona that I can’t stand. Also, people that simply want to celebrate and don’t tie their self worth to it; you are also living in a grounded reality. I’m not saying ignore it, I’m saying “meter it”. I’m also not trying to call anyone out in particular. Out of 200+ Facebook friends, about 50 people were feeling severely affected by Valentine’s Day…so I think most of my friends “get it” about what that day (and sweetest day, and other love based Hallmark holidays) means. It’s nice to take a moment and tell your friends, family or partner that you love each other. But I don’t need a holiday to do it. Or a gift.  And that doesn’t make me better than anyone either, just slightly more reasonable.  Today.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. P
    Feb 15, 2011 @ 12:57:55

    Some days I wonder if unhappiness isn’t something we create in our heads to make life more interesting on a bland day.

    I agree though, making a big deal to hate Valentine’s day because one is alone is ridiculous and they should get a hobby.


  2. Missy
    Feb 15, 2011 @ 13:06:04

    Ray and I don’t do Valentines Day – sounds like a silly reason to spend oodles of money. The kids like it, so I got them each a little heart shaped box of chocolates, and Emmy had her party at school, but that’s it. Just another day.


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