Dear Adam Levine,


I have so much I want to say to you. That’s not true, I think if I met you I’d do something similar to what I do when I see you on tv. I stop and stare. I don’t know what my problem is, but I see you on the tv and I just sort of melt into your eyes. I don’t like you. I want you to know that. I think that you are a total tool and you’ve only said one funny thing in your entire life. (it was on VH1, I don’t want to get into it, but it was funny.) You have only said stupid things otherwise. But I am obsessed with you. Not like in that “I have posters on my wall and I’m a Maroon 5 groupie” sort of way, but in that “all life stops when I see you on the television” kind of way. Especially in the She Will Be Loved video, which is just ridiculous, but those eyes. THOSE EYES!!!
So if you come to town, stay away from me, because I won’ t be able to stay away from you. You tool…you hot hot hot hot tool.

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