I’m Alive, but Not Well

Things have been really hectic the last few weeks. I feel like I am spinning out of control with stress and worry and don’t know how to get out of it. Work is stressful and I’m having a lot of trouble learning all the new stuff necessary to perform my job, school is tough and I have no idea how to do the math class I’m in, and I think I might be mentally challenged against learning. The one thing that was going well (Mircea) is not going so great right now. I’m just so stressed that I can’t handle any little thing that comes my way. He has had a rough couple weeks too, punctuated by the death of one of his very close friends last week (while I was in Key West). I don’t know how we can both get out of this funk and salvage our relationship. I’m going to start seeing my counselor again (June 12) who can hopefully help me with some of my emotional management issues. Sometimes I wish relationships were easy, and then other times I know they wouldn’t be worth the heartache and searching if they were simple as can be. I just want to be loved, for who I am and what I offer. I talked to my friend Lainie today and she said “You lost your confidence, sweetie, and that’s why you are so low” and she is so right. I don’t have that confidence I had (for like 6 months total), so I’m not feeling good about myself or my relationships. Hopefully I can get out of this funk…at least the sun is out and bright and if I don’t screw it up too badly I actually have a future.


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